A Fall Day… On Your Deck

MON., NOV. 15, 1999, 10:52 AM
FARM, DECK

Yes, o son, it is a beautiful, cool Fall day here in the Heartland. The leaves have mostly fallen, so you can see much more of the very blue sky than in the summer months. You have letters to write, and you should develop some schedule for doing such. When old friends write you now, having heard about your cancer, you should be quite willing to write back… in appreciation. The idea of a general letter, followed by specific thanks to specific folk could be good… a compromise, but one of which I approve. Your task for today: set such a plan.

As you re-read these randomly selected Teachings from early in Our relationship you are reimpressed with the early quality of these. If this had only been “you,” the quality should have improved as you wrote more and more of these. Instead you were “hearing” Me, Holy Spirit, and I have “done this,” in a variety of ways for… centuries, at least.

The Retreat on Saturday, with your fellow church officers and the two pastors, was a good experience for you, in several ways. You enjoyed the various interactions, and you participated rather well, in spirit if not in voice. And yet, as you contemplated the whole experience you felt, yet again, that this whole church scene is moving away from you, as an active participant. It is a mystical “moving,” and still it is real. Accept it as such. You needn’t try hard to counter it. Just enjoy the experience, as it is yours to have. I’m not recommending any specific action, but you just know that I am not pushing you beyond what you can do, with some quality. Your spirit should be the major factor in deciding.

The beauty and appeal of this time of year is quite different… from the other three seasons. It is still warm and pleasant, not yet into the cold of winter. The ground is covered with leaves, and the appearance of trees is now more stark. It is a season of “its own,” But it also is a transition from heat and warmth to cool and cold, with different forms of precipitation. As you have often expressed, you do like the different seasons, experiences you didn’t have as a resident of California and Hawaii. The losses you now are noticing are the bodily equivalent of winter, so it seems as though you are now in the late Fall of your life, this time. Appreciate it for what it is, not as a season “not as good” as Spring and Summer… and early Fall.

As this active life you’ve led seems to be pulling away from you, you’ll have some regrets, naturally, for you have enjoyed this life, quite thoroughly. But accept, also, that, after such an active state of being, you can now appreciate and enjoy the experiences of “disengagement,” with genuine anticipation of “what comes next.” And trust that I’ll continue to be with you.

It shall be an increasing “struggle” for you to appreciate the seeming importance of many local, national, and international “events.” There is no one “best way” to react to such perceived “struggles.” Occasionally you’ll affirm a judgment of “not important,” and occasionally you’ll “fake” interest and concern. Mostly you’ll just find and devise ways of “treading some middle ground.” Just recognize and accept that it is difficult to be “acceptable” as one elderly if you’re not hot for “progress” and “the new.” Yet, “this above all, to thine own self be true” (and I often wish I had said it first… or did I?)

You reflect, increasingly, on the past 6 months of your “life with Mabel,” along with recollections of the elderly years of your parents. You have little desire to live into your 90’s, given the losses you now are noticing. You saw Mabel as a young child in an old, poorly function body…and a child getting younger rather than older… becoming more dependent rather than independent. It was… and is… not a life condition to value and aspire to.