A “Mixed” Day

THURS., SEPT. 2, 1999, 3:56 PM
FARM, STUDY

Your day started off well… a little strange because there was no breakfast, but your mid-day salad was certainly sufficient. Your chores were almost routine, though you did feel good about giving your rabbits some variety in diet, by way of the dumpster. The lunch with Wendy’s parents was pleasant, though it was a bit strange that neither of you broached the matter of Lou’s current malady.

Then there were some frustrations with the car, some excessive emotion-provoked sweating, and then home, with some feelings of uneasiness. You have to admit that you’re having increasing memory losses, and these are bothersome. “It just ain’t all fun, getting old!” I, of course, have never had such experiences, nor did I, as Jesus. But I observe much, and I’ve had eons of experience with humans, and I’ll just say, honestly, that growing old is quite a “mixed bag.”

Many of the pleasures of these final years of earth life are now yours to enjoy. Though you remember, with much pleasure, your classes and other teaching experiences, you truly don’t miss that, as a regular part of your life. You revel in the slow pace of your life, which is one of the reasons for uneasiness when situations become jumbled and “seemingly” pressureful. You see that you can’t handle frustrations as well as when younger. It is hard to admit to such weakness, but you know it is more likely to get worse than better.

At least you’re conscious of your lapses of memory, and I am in favor of you trying some variety of ways of countering such losses. Be creative… and try. And then I’ll also say that some losses have to be accepted as a price of aging. You will never again be, even with efforts, what you were in younger years… even a few years back.

With this diagnosis of cancer you are, wisely, seeing these next years as both a time for full living and a time to prepare for return to spirit realms. The time will not be without its frustrations, but I encourage you to step back… and appreciate the feelings of frustration… and the person or situation that provoked it. You’re getting better at just stopping… and laughing, spontaneously and honestly.

You certainly are not afraid of… or even anxious about… the dying and death experiences. I assure you, yet again, that you had these experiences before, but one of the agreements, for a person of your not-quite-maturity, is that you won’t remember such times, so that you’ll live this life without direct help from pre-Bob ventures and reactions. You are mature enough, spiritually, to have some sense of… some non-specific remembrances… other experiences from which your spirit grew… or didn’t.

If you do decide to try radiation – I see advantages and disadvantages either way – you must be ready to appreciate, as positively as possible, side-effects, of various sorts.

But, REMEMBER, your goals for the rest of this earth life, of whatever length, are to be aware of and appreciate all that happens to and around you… to live life fully, rejecting the role of “patient,” accepting whatever the medical profession recommends… and to orchestrate, for yourself, the transition from imperfect human to perfected spirit. The length of this earth life of yours is of almost no consequence to Me. (I find “time” to be more of a hindrance than an “asset”.) And I want to see you moving to a comparable perspective and conviction. Again… you’ve done it before…