A Time Alone?

TUES., MAY 18, 1999, 6:30 AM
OFFICE, PULLIAM

You arose early, after a night waiting for the alarm to buzz, got Lenore to the plane on time, and now you face a time alone. It is an opportunity for a somewhat different mode of life, attractive in some ways, but, finally, uncomfortable without your life partner. You shall have more freedom, certainly, but freedom is always a mixed blessing. It shall be both a time to enjoy and a time to endure.

Other than writing the Session minutes you have no pressing responsibilities. Instead, you have the opportunity to finally put your study in some good order… no excuse, now. You have some notes and letters to write… and, of course, there is lawn to mow… and a garden, if you really want one this summer.

You shall have no excuse now in relation to “practicing” contemplation. In one sense you can’t “practice” such an exercise of mind and spirit, but, in another, you can “do it,” with the hope that you will get better “at it”… as you have with this spiritual exercise. You sometimes wonder why it is so difficult (or so it seems) to simplify your life. You still are holding to some old habits, with less capacity…and desire… to function at a middle-age speed. Slowing down means that it takes more time to do most everything. This is frustrating until you truly accept the “new reality” and stop trying “too hard.”

Your “plan,” as of now, is to live out this earth life on your Farm. It is a beautiful, comfortable place, and you enjoy its many “facets.” Your only concern is your eventual capacity to do the work that is necessary for the conditions you enjoy. So far, so good, but you recognize that the “weaknesses” you now have could increase, diminishing your capacities to keep this as it needs to be kept. You know all chores will take more time, but what won’t you, finally, be able to do. I’d say… just assume you can make the adaptations necessary.

To be alone, for a few days, is appealing, but you certainly wouldn’t want it to be longer… or permanent. It is unlikely that Lenore will come on over (to My House?!) before you do, but to have to finish out life without her… is a painful, unpleasant prospect. These short “times alone” have merit, but you hope that you wouldn’t be left to finish this life… alone. (You then consider that if she were to “move on” before you all these concerns about life insurance would be unnecessary. I’d say… you can expect your elderly years to be relatively easy… not perfect, but “better than most”… and, more likely, Lenore will be the one “left alone.”

At first you wondered about the question mark after alone, but then you presumed (rightly) that this meant I, Holy Spirit, would not leave you to be “alone.” Your best “reading” will be in these volumes of Teachings you have written, now with a good deal of confidence and comfort. So I am your life companion, and will be available to you as long as you can write. (If you lose this capacity We’ll both have to adapt.)

Also, as long as you can write, We shall “do” Ruminations together, for the few folks who are interested in this semi-mystical Letter. Other than receiving My Teachings to you, this Letter should be the last task you “give up.” It is not an important publication… and yet it is.

It also is important that you contemplate your life as it has been, as well as how it could have been different. You have reviewed the “honors” you have received, and most of these are pleasant and fun to recall. It is satisfying to recall that you took responsibilities and were a “good achiever” in several ways. Yet you were not as prominent as some of your colleagues, but mostly this was because you chose not to be more involved in professional activities… getting great satisfactions from your teaching and your interactions with students.