A Warm, Wet, Winter Day

FRI., FEB. 9, 2001, 3:47 PM A WARM, WET, WINTER DAY
FARM, STUDY

This has been a good “recuperating” day, with a minimum of time on your feet, until just a “bit ago.” Your feet still hurt, of course (no miracles for you, this time), but you are considering postponing the grafts. It is not pleasant anticipating the time of healing and recovery when you MUST NOT MOVE around as you are now. Yet the prospect of such a time for the heels to heal is a poor one, even at your age.

You enjoyed last evening with The Kingston Trio. Only one of your “former students” remains, but they sang many of the “oldies”, including some that you did, for classes and special presentations, before the loss of strength in your left hand. There seems to be no regeneration there, so you have had to say “Aloha” to a unique feature of your career. It was fun while it lasted… but this just wasn’t “a full lifetime.”

The grass outside is its familiar “Winter ecru,” with quite a bed of leaves to your left. You’re glad that this disability is not during a time when the grass is green and growing. You look forward to being “recovered” by the time the lawn needs mowing. You are not yet ready to give up the physical tasks that bring much pleasure. Yet, as I’ve told you, when there is “a time” for a less physical life you shall need to accept this, and move on to other ways of “feeling alive.”

Even as your small stove gives off heat that warms this room you note that it isn’t as necessary as most afternoons in February. Oh, the cold will return for several more blasts, but this respite is appreciated. Yes, you are fortunate in having, here, four seasons of just about equal length, so Spring is still more than a month away. And, as I said, this is good for you, with “your feet.”

Just consider, yet again, that this is, symbolically, the season of dying and death. So, respecting this symbol, you should want to drop this body in the winter, experiencing “Spring” in a spiritual realm best for you, this time. You do expect to continue this life journey, in spirit form, which does have some advantages over the physical life that you now are experiencing. You needn’t be yearning for it, for your earth life is still quite worthwhile, but you also need to be ready, so that you don’t “waste time” (just an earth expression!) in the transition.

Either this afternoon or tomorrow you must put Our Ruminations together and edit it, finally. Then Monday is a “good day” for typing and getting it to the printer. Also your mailing list needs some time and attention. Then when this is all done and mailed you need to consider the one that should be out by early April. By the end of this year We need to be back on the quarterly schedule that has been Our pattern. Oh, you can consider going to 3 a year, but you really have no comparable activities that make this present schedule difficult.

It certainly is time to clean and rearrange this room. You do have the time to do this, you don’t like this mess and clutter, so accept My invitation. You can’t do much outside yet, but you can improve the “state” of this room. I’ll suggest… make a list and put this on it, near the top.

It is hard for you to see all that needs to be done, just to make this place look “the way it should.” You consider that you’re “reasonably neat,” and so it is hurtful to see all that you once did… not done.

Well, you did see a bit of sunshine, reflected off some of the trees. Oh, the sun will return, but not much more today. (But there it is, again!)

I realize it would be “painful” for you to have to leave this place… because you can’t do all that needs to be done. In addition you realize that Carl’s struggles with pain and disability may mean that you’ll have no ready hay supply, the means for keeping cows in the pasture. Yes, o son, you are experiencing, personally and vicariously, that fact that the blessings of elderly status may be countered by the physical losses. This requires adaptation, and for you, it will involve decisions about whether to downsize and stay here OR move into town, with fewer “chores” and less “traveling.” I know you will hate to leave here, but, if you must, I’ll call on you to accept the move with some joy, focused on the fact that “you’re still here.”