… And, Still, Frustrations…

TUES., OCT. 6, 1998, 7:06 AM
FARM, STUDY

Yes, o son, you are now into a second year of retirement (though Emeritus is still the more appropriate term). You still have some feeling of “missing” the teaching role, but you have little desire to return to it. Thus, the major activity of your working years is no more, but you still experience frustrations about tasks not completed.

As I have directed you, you are taking some “time” to contemplate… and you’re making some slow progress in this act… but you don’t seem to have the time for all that you envisioned would be accomplished when your professor role was no more. This study is not put in order as We both (you and I) want it to be. There still are “tasks galore”, with much left undone. What do I say about this source of frustration?

First, you have to accept the fact that you are slower in accomplishing whatever you’re attempting. Your left hand is (and you might as well see it as such) a symbol of your present state of being: you’re not able to do all that you once did, and what you do takes more time, and the adaptations necessary aren’t as good as you expect.

Realize that you are in transition to a different way of life. I want you to see this time of transition as a good part of your life journey. Be more aware of what it is, and appreciate it as a good, important leg of the journey that is this life, as Bob Russell.

Yes, you may ease the frustrations by resorting to a “list”, for a day, even a week. When there is more to do than there is time, you need to specify priorities. It seems, to you, that this shouldn’t be necessary now, but I am recommending it. Seek a good balance… and you’ll be able to “feel” when it is “good”… of the physical, mental, and spiritual… and, of course, the marital.

It seems strange, but you are realizing that your memory is becoming erratic. You have been assuming that this continuing relationship with Me would prevent such loss. I can help, but when brain cells don’t regenerate as they once did I can’t completely compensate for such loss. Devise some ways of remembering. If you can be creative in such devising you’ll stave off some frustrations. Yet you’ll have to accept that this is a time, in life, of losses. Both/and is the best way – try to counter the losses and, also, accept those that are actual.

Your hand is an example (another one) of this premise: you’ve spent time and money going to doctors and having tests. Now that the loss of function seems to be stable, you are accepting the handicap and using the hand as it is. As long as you retain the present function, I approve. And, still, there will be frustrations when the hand won’t do what you want it to. (8:04 / 2:27) One reality of the rest of your life is the continuing loss of aspects of self, some important, others less so.

You now are in the midst of the “mailing out” portion of the Ruminations task. You continue to see this as a worthwhile task, even as it is repetitive. Mostly you do think of each person or couple as you stick on the address label and, importantly, write the name. This is a practice to continue. Remember that this isn’t just another “newsletter” (even as some refer to it in this way). It is a “gift” to Me and a spirit filled “gift” to all those who will receive it as such. You should see all “phases” of the “project” as a spiritual exercise… and, as such, it doesn’t need to be speeded up. (Oh, the stamps need not be so difficult. That was a mistake.)