Apprehension

JUNE 7, 1979, 5:15 AM

It is uncomfortable to be apprehensive. The discomfort comes partly from that feeling of “being not sure” and partly from the knowledge that my partnership with the Spirit should dissipate or prevent such feelings. I can talk in very positive terms, but, later, in all honesty, I feel apprehensive.

(The above paragraph was written by Bob Russell as he waited for the Spirit…)

And I keep trying to show you, o son, that this is the rhythm that is health. Apprehension is one of the legitimate feelings you shall feel; think not that you will always feel confidence and assuredness. Think not that you will always be an exemplar. Acknowledge these evidences of rhythm and be what you are more fully.

You felt joy with the initial shower of rain… but then apprehension that there was too much. Can there be “too much”? or is there just enough for a particular rhythmic situation? There will be results, but are bad results worse than good results… or merely different? (Today I speak in questions) Is apprehension worse than confidence, or merely different? Be what you are more fully. Is apprehension better than fear and true sadness of heart? Or is it just different? Be what you are more fully.

“Should I be more fully apprehensive?”, you ask, “Or should I deny my apprehension and seek the return of confidence?” You see, o son, that you are dealing with being and becoming. There is a rhythm in that which you are and that which you are becoming. You are learning, but it is not an easy lesson.

So many hold constancy… a constant state of goodness… as My way. They know Me not. Oh, what I do is goodness, by definition, for My followers, but goodness only has reality when it has a contrast. My speaking to you has reality because there are times (you feel) in which I do not speak. Would it be pure good if I spoke to you all the time, constantly? (That does make you apprehensive, doesn’t it!)

Rebecca is a distinctive cow because she gets out and tromps. This is disquieting, but it gives her distinctiveness. Would she be better if she never got out? Or just more like the others?

The rain falls hard again. Be apprehensive, but also be joyous. The dry ground shall not be so today. The plants… and the weeds… shall grow. And some plants shall wash away. It is too much. But too much is what is, and that, too, has merit. Because it is distinctive.

You have many opportunities. You cannot achieve them all. And those you attempt shall not all be done well. Remember your (or is it Our) motto, “If you’re doing something worthwhile don’t worry about the many other worthwhile things you’re not doing.” You worry and are apprehensive that you are not writing on your book. (You shall, this day!) If you are not writing, then do what you’re doing… planting, conversing… with fullness. It is not meritous to be planting half-heartedly because you are not writing. Live by what you know to be true! (and it is!)

Appreciate each situation for what it is. If change is necessary, change. And then the situation will be different. And yet also experience the apprehension more fully. This is a strange truth, surely… (even verily). But you’re writing it fairly well. Now see if you can live it more fully.

Come back to this from time to time. Compare it with your living. Yes, it is mental/emotional balance, for there is a rhythm in that balance.

The lesson is over, but the application goes on. If you’re apprehensive, be more fully apprehensive. But then either do or do not do what it is you are apprehensive about… and the world goes on. What you do this day, do fully. Or else fully see why you are not so doing.