Back To “Normal”?

FRI., JAN. 22, 1999, 10:50 AM
FARM, BRKF. TABLE

It is a dreary day, after a stormy night, and you’re not feeling much better than these sick granddaughters, now with you. After the sadness and excitement of the trip to California, the fellowship with family members, and the reality of son Michael’s death you are not feeling as strong and as “together” as you want to be. So you come for a Teaching, and I, Holy Spirit, am here to provide such.

Mostly you enjoy life, as Michael did, but, even in retirement, you find that papers, tasks, and responsibilities seem to “pile up”. You feel sure you’ll recover, but the discomfort is with you today.

As Jesus I experienced earth life, and that was important, for Me, as the Triune God. As you’ve noted, in musing, I had almost none of the responsibilities of your life, and My time in the earth was much shorter than yours. Oh, I had preaching and teaching to do, and I did have a “sense” that I would not have a long life here in the earth, but I was “well-prepared” for My mission, both in My education and in being the Lord God, not finally separated from Myself, as God and as Holy Spirit.

Yet I did have to retire, pray, ponder… be alone and away from the task of being God on earth. I was both confident in My capacities and bothered that all (and particularly My own people, the Jews) did not respond positively to My teaching. Even as I had some “fore knowledge” that I would not be accepted by “My people” as the true Messiah, as “the Man Jesus” I was trying to be that Messiah… and I was not succeeding. Oh, I had some of My love for diversity, but, as Jesus, I had the “dream” of uniting all people in My Way. So every now and then I had to ponder what I should try to achieve in life… and, finally, how death on a cross would be.

You can’t seem to feel, firmly, how you should be… now. You have one major task to complete – Our Ruminations – and you don’t seem to be able to do that. You can’t remember whether or not you did a new mailing list, for the Fall Letter, and that is bothersome… along (11:29 / 11:35) with other lapses of memory. You sometimes joke about aging, but you can feel it coming on, in some unpleasant happenings. I’m not compulsive about these Letters, and you needn’t be, either, but I do want you to utilize these Teachings in this way, and so… you know Our “schedule”…

It seems as though Michael’s death should not have brought on these feelings of weakness in you. Death is not a feared event, for you, and I have taught you extensively, both about the need for it, in the balance of life, and about the joys of the spirit realms – “free at last”. This is the winter season, a time for rest, and yet you don’t seem to be as comfortable as you should be, in a life as easy as yours is, now.

I can’t “magically” change you, taking away the feelings you now have. Oh, you know you’ll “emerge on the other side”, but just “live through” this present funk.

Yes, as soon as you finally get this Ruminations on its way start looking back through the Teachings for references to Michael and, to some extent, on death. Hence, the next one should focus on Michael, using, mostly, the Teachings from this past week.

It should be clear to you, of course, that “normal” does have some “down times”. Generally and mostly you are positive and happy about life, yet appreciate these “other sides” that also are part of earth life. And do remember what I told you earlier – I, as Jesus, needed times to contemplate how I could be both God and a human man… should I control My thoughts or just honor and appreciate, even the negative ones? So I say, from that experience… accept what you feel and think and work through these as “naturally” as possible. Don’t hurry the process, but don’t stay in a funk longer than “necessary”.