Free Association… In Pain

MON., FEB. 28, 1994, 4:25 AM
FARM, STUDY

It is rather clear to you that pain does hinder the accurate and expected functioning of the mind. A while ago you awoke, but were disoriented as to what you should be doing for this pain, if anything… and as to what the thoughts that you were having were all about. So you are here for a Teaching, an intelligent use of waking time. But because you’re in pain I’ll just comment on your free associations, without the need to follow any more specific theme.

You can still hear yourself speaking yesterday, saying you’ve had very little pain in your life and therefore this present seige is not excessive. You said it when you were pain free… and your remembrance of pain is low… so what do you say now? In the midst of pain that you want to stop you still must concede that you can manage it… that it is a challenge to your spirit. Oh, you don’t feel the sacrifice and valor as a wave travels down your leg, but neither are you willing to do anything to be pain-free again. You know you will be, so wait it out. The worst response is to stay in some painful position, writhing AND feeling sorry for yourself. There is much to be done. Get on with living… and, lo, the pain shall diminish…nearly always.

You can blame your failure to follow through on your resolve, as a Lenten sacrifice, to write a card or a letter each day… blame it on pain and the activities around your back and leg. You know, of course, that this is no excuse. So I say, Don’t give up. Just do it, one day at a time… one a day… don’t fret the ones you haven’t sent. This is a worthwhile “sacrifice,” and you’ll profit from it, as much as any one.

The Psalms are disappointing. The first three were far from inspiring, and this 8th one seems no better, at first reading. Just remember the principle I helped you formulate. If a particular Scripture doesn’t move you at a particular time, study it, but don’t “fight it.” Just assume that sometime it will seem more relevant and perhaps, even be inspiring. If you’re honest you may also admit that some of which you underlined in some earlier reading now does not seem important. Needs change. There is no one for whom every passage of Scripture is equally pleasing and inspirational. (But some find it hard to be completely honest about Bible-reading and how they feel “afterward.”

You have some fears of less than complete recovery at this time. Even as you know and tell of My initial Teaching… that having a permanent disability would be a legitimate, even desirable, means to spiritual growth… you want to recover completely, or at least as well as you have in the past. The main fear is that you would have to give up this Farm life, and that would be a possibility, one that you’ve considered before. If that must be the challenge would be to make the transition as quickly and fully as possible. Yet positive thoughts, emotions, and spirit in the direction of complete recovery is part of such a conclusion. “Which way, o Lord?” “Which way, o son?”

You wish it were easier for you to be neat, in your office and here in your study. It is not one of your natural characteristics, this constant neatness. But, yes, you should organize your desk and clean that table before the interviewee encounters it. “Everything has to go somewhere,” and you’re not yet willing to throw away what is no longer necessary or important. At least give it a try.