Friendship

WED., MAY 19, 1982, 5:35 AM
FARM, STUDY

You are wary of this title and what its teaching shall reveal. Go ahead, o son, for it will be more of an informative meditation than any condemnation of you. Or, put another way, there is no point in feeling guilty about the way you are in your mid-50’s. Admit any weakness. Then look for the strength that is the complement of each weakness in each well functioning person. See the balance… the rhythm… and then get on with living… enlightened just a bit more than you were.

Let’s review the discomfort of the situation: Lenore asked you to name your best friend in Carbondale. You named Eileen as a female friend, but you seemed unable to name a male friend. Your thoughts were then negative about yourself… for having lived nearly seventeen years in a community and yet being unable to identify a best friend. Shouldn’t a well-functioning person have an easily identified best friend? There is the bothersome situation.

Now let’s look at the nature of friendship. One basis is a commonality in philosophy of life, in temperament, in experience. Another is the sharing of time and experiences, essential building blocks for friendship. These are bases, but not guarantees of friendship. For just as commonality in “looking at life” is an aid to friendship, major differences (and even some minor ones) can prevent a friendship from becoming a “best”. Thus, for your life a true friendship is unlikely with anyone whose sense of spiritual reality is not somewhat like yours. However, because individual personalities are more than a sum of quantifiable “parts” certain characteristics may come out stronger than others. For example, you see Eileen as a good friend, even though her spiritual beliefs and practices seem apart from yours. But you have shared many experiences, personal ones and those relating to your common profession. The result: a good friendship. Yet you could have shared an office with others in your department and the result might have been different. Proximity and sharing do not guarantee a friendship.

A strength of yours is that you can accomplish good and important matters by yourself. You are not dependent on others for support, for encouragement, for motivation. You have a strong sense of self, based in your relationship with Me and buttressed by your friendship, as well as marital, relationship with Lenore. What is the result of this strength? Less need for spending the time with people that could result in friendship. Is this also a weakness? Probably… but why dwell on the negative aspect?

You do have a true friendship with Me, which most Christians do not have. I admit that I took the initiative, but you still had to respond. You still have to be willing to hear and to write… and to accept My friendship, even as I am one with the Lord God. (The analog with Marco Polo is an interesting one.) You realize that this cannot be a friendship of equals, but you’re willing to ignore that if I am. And I do.

You thought, as you drifted off to sleep, of friendships developed years ago which still rekindle with get-togethers, no matter how infrequent. You are not without good friends. They just are not clustered around you.