Gentleness

WED., APR. 19, 1995, 11:57 AM
OFFICE, PULLIAM HALL

The discussion at your breakfast group in the church narthex was good because of the interaction of the five of you who have met faithfully for some time. You were not impressed with the Scriptural passage that was to represent this fruit of the spirit – gentleness. And the actual discussion of this “fruit” was also rather disappointing. So… here you are for a Teaching, and I offer you this title. What shall I say about this “characteristic”?

It was stated, and I’ll agree, that gentleness, as a fruit of your spirit, has to “flow” naturally, in as many situations in life as are appropriate. Oh, you can think about being gentle, and you can try to be gentle, and I do appreciate such attempts, but what I am interested in is just gentleness as a reaction, without thought or planning… and when other responses might come forth… even be expected. If your spirit has a gentle quality to it this does show forth in many different circumstances.

In relation to other people, gentleness usually means concerns for those others, and doing what is best for them, even if it isn’t best for you. AND you do this without anger, without envy, without feelings of martyrhood. Even if you are not benefitted… or are even “hurt” in some way by your action you are not resentful because others do benefit. So gentleness often springs from and shows forth selflessness.

Another aspect of gentleness is lack of concern for speed and power. It is difficult to imagine a gentle act that is carried out with speed and force. There are a few, where the gentle person had to hurry to accomplish some necessary act, in which there was an aura of gentleness. In the discussion this morning you did recall and mention Curly, as both an aggressive football player and a basically gentle person. Your recollection is that he did have both gentleness and aggressiveness, and you’re not absolutely sure which was the dominant nature… or whether he just could show forth one or the other, as appropriate.

In your culture it often is hard to be gentle… and also successful. Aggressiveness, speed, power, and, sometimes, even viciousness seem necessary for success. You think of yourself as a gentle person, basically, but you wonder how many times you have had to put away gentleness to achieve what you wanted. You don’t recall many instances when you had to be ungentle, for you haven’t seen yourself as a fierce competitor… as you have known others to be. You haven’t had to fight for your position, and you wonder how it would have been if this had been necessary.

You were a competitor as a football player, years ago. You could not have had the success you had (limited as it was), with your size, if you had been entirely gentle. You were somewhat like Curly, a gentle person who could be aggressive and rough, in competition.

The difficult decisions that you recall, in relation to gentleness, were in being a good parent for developing sons, when their behavior was not as you, or as Lenore, expected. Is it weak and wimpy to be gentle when punishment seems to be called for? You remember your father as a gentle man, who was much more prone to encourage you than to criticize and punish you. This was the model with which you were comfortable, but was it best for your sons? in every situation? You are interested that they remember more incidents of relative violence than you do. Whose memory is more accurate? They all seem like good men now, and that seems to be at least some recommendation as to “how you were.”