Just Keep The Balance…

SAT., DEC. 18, 1999, 6:41 AM
FARM, STUDY

As you take up this broken pen (and how did it become broken?) you realize, yet again, that changes occur in life, and all that is good cannot always dominate. You realize, about yourself, that you are at least a semi-addictive personality. You have maintained a rather good balance during your life thus far, but you’ll have to reassess as you are into this last portion, of this life as Bob Russell.

You were somewhat surprised at yourself last evening, for you had simply stated, to yourself, that you would abstain from any alcoholic drink, for the evening. Then you not only broke your vow, but you drank to drunkenness. As far as you can assess, there were no damages, to yourself or to this place (and that is good), but you did lose control… and that’s worrisome.

You can then say, “What difference does it make?”… and can reply, honestly, that no harm was done. Yet you know the potential that is everpresent with drunkenness, and with loss of control. More importantly, you promised yourself that you would not drink at all (well, it was akin to a formal promise), but after one or two drinks you had lost control and now can’t remember details of the evening. Oh, you remember the quiet beauty of the moon, and you could appreciate the unusually warm, pleasant late Fall night, but… then what?

You know I approve of your appreciation of this place, and I shall keep urging you to at least maintain, and, at best, improve the neatness, of inside and outside. You see, I do recognize, and you do, also, that you are not consistently compulsive. If you could only harness some of this compulsiveness to beautify this place. Am I being compulsive in this repeated urging?

And you do realize one aspect of the very trait that is worrisome to you this morning is your addiction to having and writing these Teachings from Me, your Friendly Holy Spirit. You let several opportunities slip by this week, but here you are, willing to hear Me remind you of a more potentially harmful compulsion. And you wouldn’t even consider stopping short of Our “desired length.”

You are still basically responsible. You developed this early in life, and it has been responsible for many of the successes you have had in life. Yes, responsibility does beget responsibility. You didn’t drink as a teenager, and even as a young adult. You were responsible, and you were proud of it. After you gave up abstinence you can recall a few incidents of irresponsibility (and the rum you consumed last night did remind you, as it should, of another even more beautiful night on a beach on Maui, an even worse time of drunkenness. But you did do your job the next day…) and you should recall these, so says Responsibility.

But this is the last portion of this life, and it is not awful to consider some different balances, in this “off ramp” time. Your continuing responsibilities are gradually falling away. You give up some with joy and others with sadness. You have enjoyed this basically responsible life you’ve lived (with Me as an active Partner in much of it), and you’re not quite sure what the right balance should be for the “remainder.” You can’t let yourself “just enjoy it”… can you?

There must be control… but now much? You don’t feel truly irresponsible in not seeking all of the treatments possible for this cancerous condition… and I’m with you. We both know that one of the “downsides” of sober responsibility is lack of time and inclination to be appreciative of… much that can easily be overlooked. (Remember the lesson learned by Elwood P. Dowd and his “family.” … time to appreciate the sunsets, even when it’s raining.)