Life… Not Yet “Settled”

FRI., OCT. 30, 1998, 7:02 AM
FARM, STUDY

Well into this second year of retirement (now in Emeritus status) you are experiencing it as a season of transition. In some ways it is like unto this season of Autumn that is now yours to enjoy… from the heat and fullness of green that is summer to the cold and uncolored starkness of winter, you have no classes that are yours alone (and this now seems like a “good”), but you still have an office, and there still are a few students who recognize and respond well to you. There will be a student gathering out here a week from tonight, and that may well be the last one. You wish you still could play your guitar, but that is one of the losses that are hard to accept.

The “trick” to life in this season is to balance what you still can do, well, with what no longer is satisfying in result… what to try to hold onto, and what to give up, as no longer possible or “of quality”. You have “a sense” of that toward what you are moving… a time of disengagement from the busy life you have led, toward a more quiet life of reading, contemplation, and slow work here on this place. I have offered the term “semi-monk”, and I still like it.

Though you no longer have the responsibilities of full-time teaching (and of being a responsible professional), you also realize your increasing slowness (or is it decreasing “fastness”?) means that you still seem to be busy and with “no time” to become what you are envisioning as your style for this time of life. You still see “Lists” of tasks to accomplish, some still here on this desk, all with several to many items unaccomplished. And this seems as though it should be a time when the frustrations of non-accomplishment should be minimal to nil.

Yet I do not recommend feeling frustrated and edgy about your life in these glorious days of Fall. You just don’t yet have the best balance. I can help, but you are the one who must “do it”. You have to try… and also not try. That’s another important balance. This desk and this “table” to your left are symbols of this “problem” you’re experiencing with balancing. You know how each of these should look at this time in your life, but when you do get them relatively “clean” this state seems unsustainable. It is somewhat like sweeping the leaves off of the deck. You can do it, and it is leaf-free, but soon it is “cluttered” yet again. That’s just part of this season in the earth and of this season in your life.

Despite the generally positive outlook on life that you have, personally, and that you advocate as a condition of health, you still fret too much about money, other details of life, and “the future”. Your culture is probably heading for a time of trouble, a time of less prosperity. You feel that you are in a good place to experience this, but you are not yet spiritually ready to live this coming time with a smile and a singing heart. Just know that this is what I expect from you.

Focus not upon losses and “what might have been”, but on what you have and how this is your opportunity, for now and the future. Remember, continually, the blessings you’ve enjoyed as Bob Russell… very little suffering and deprivation. All of that can more than balance what can come in these days ahead.

Consider, again, the analogy of your life and the seasons here in the earth. Winter shall come, the leaves will have fallen, and growth is minimal. Your tasks are fewer, and your losses accumulate. But there is a season beyond winter – Spring, in which warmth, life, and growth return, and the cycle begins yet again. And there is continuing life beyond this one for you, a time to assess how you have done, as the spirit in Bob Russell… how you have grown and what opportunities you missed. Then shall come new life, in some desirable form, a Ka Punahou… a “new spring”.