Mixed Feelings

FRI., NOV. 20, 1998, 9:38 AM
HAMA’S CABANA, HONOLULU

It is a bright day, with gusty trade winds, and yet you are in a familiar place for Teachings. The noise of technology in cleaning up a yard makes you glad you have some hearing loss. Yes, this is a familiar spot, and though you were not perfect in your “navigating” yesterday you generally got where you wanted to go, but the traffic is worrisome. Yet, partly because of your age, you are not fully comfortable here. It is not your “place”, and there is some discomfort in this.

Your Dad’s condition and the two glimpses of Day Care that you’ve had push you to consider the old age that you, personally, are approaching. You have no fears about dying… actually you are more concerned about living beyond good functioning, as you are observing. You know well the Preacher’s affirmation – a time to be born and a time to die… and you know that between these “ends” is a time to live, to learn, and most vitally, to grow in spirit. Finally, that is all that earth life is for, from My perspective.

Oh, I wanted you to have a career of service, and you accomplished this reasonably well (almost “quite”). But you haven’t yet put aside the values and behaviors that accounted for the success you had, and so you have mixed feelings about what you are… and should be… doing. This is to be expected. Using a term I used several years ago, you are… still… on the “off ramp” and not yet established in the life style I want for you… and that also seems good to you.

It is good to be here, but you are not yet comfortable with not accomplishing all that is on “your list”. This list suggests that life is not timeless for you yet, and as hours and days pass all of these possible activities cannot be enjoyed. So you still feel some guilt and unease. It is hard to feel content to “be” when you still expect that “to do” is necessary.

You should thank me for leading you to that small article on successful aging, which emphasized the spiritual as the prime criterion for health. Applied to this visit it means that it is not all for human interacting, but should also include aloneness, time with Me, and activities of nostalgia. Go for the Both/And… this is both your last time here and coming here is just part of your ongoing life.

The muses you had on the way over were quite worthwhile, much more so than the movies and other “stuff” on the small screen. You should consider writing these, and others like them, down as an adjunct to these Teachings, which shall be your main “gift” to the “future”. Continue to “take time” for more of these, both here and at home. And do keep your little “diary” up to date.

I tell you that I am in charge of this earth realm, that it’s purpose, like unto all of My many realms, is spiritual growth, and that I am quite satisfied with the way it functions. And yet the “news of the day” is replete with stories of violence, conflict, and disruptions of many sorts. My call to you, in this lap of your life, is to pay less and less attention to news as it is reported in your culture. Give more and more of your attention to the news I bring to you, some of it directly in these Teachings and some in “other ways”, as illustrated in this “Successful…” article.

You hope that this “lap” is your last one, meaning that you don’t have to traverse the one your Dad is now in. You are enjoying life now, but more and more losses, before the “transition”, are far from appealing. I tell you that physical and mental losses should allow for more spiritual growth, but you don’t see much evidence of this in your Dad… or, more importantly, in Mabel, who was so spiritual in younger days.