… Not Quite Yet…

Mon., APR. 23, 2001, 4:48 PM
FARM, STUDY

My main comment to you on this wet, muggy day is in relation to this “retired lifestyle.” You are not doing “badly,” but I shall continue to offer advice. And… the first and most important observation is: there is little chance of “getting it right” in such a way that there will be no need for change… you’ll “have it.” Why? Because as you get older… which is still a form of maturity… it is quite possible that old age will push and pull you toward immaturity.

And these terms are difficult to define, operationally. (Yes, I know and can use this term!) Is it more mature to “Make a List” and truly accomplish certain tasks every day? Or is it more mature to relax and be little concerned that planned “projects are not finished… OR even started? You should know that maturity in old age means balancing these extremes, sometimes in a day and other times in days of a week. Referring to My title, above… have you reached such a balance? Not quite yet.

You don’t feel the need to really accomplish anything in a given time span… even Our Ruminations. This last one was late, and there should have been “the Winter issue” out by the first of this month. Should this suggest that 3 a year is more “practical” than 4? Or must you truly give this task the priority it deserves and “catch up”? You may be heading toward the first “solution”, but… not yet. I still want 4, even if each is “late.” But this is NOW. I’ll continue to “be in touch,” of course.

( 5:08 PM / 6:48 PM )

I have warned you… and you do know… that there must… should… be a more complete withdrawal from the university. You haven’t yet been pressed to give up your small office, and it is not quite yet time to do this voluntarily. You want to keep it because it is handy to have and you still like to spend some time there, but also because you foresee a difficult time of “moving” what you still want to keep out here… and where would you put it all? This will not be an easy, unemotional task, and you prefer to postpone it as long as possible.

Yet there is no good reason for you to have this space, if it is needed by a young, actively employed colleague. So you’ll just have to hope that such a need doesn’t appear this year. And it shall be important for you to be there some each week, maintaining relationships with Regina and your other colleagues.

The slow healing of your feet and the obvious loss of visual capacity suggests that you will not be as active an Emeritus as you have been… and hope to be. Yet it is your positive feeling that it is not yet quite time to pull away from this university that has been your “home” for so many years. You do realize that the time will come when you’ll be asked to vacate the office, but the best way to postpone this is to “stay connected,” at least with the faculty.

You feel quite certain that it is not yet quite the time to completely disengage from the small “place” you still have in that institution. You are fortunate that it is still possible to retire from active teaching and yet remain somewhat active in the “University community.” Oh, you have been “replaced” in teaching some courses, but you also note that a few of “yours” are just no longer offered. In one sense this is “natural,” for these were courses you developed and taught, but it also is a bit sad that former colleagues (and the Department) are not interested in continuing what you felt were important “approaches” to health education. Still… you were “true to yourself,” and you must respect this comparable attitude and behavior in those who now are “the active ones.”

You do hope that you will eventually recover some of the strength and agility that you have had in your adult life. You know that if this “shall be” it will take time – longer than when you were younger. The hard question, now, is “how hard should you try… and how long… when it seems less likely that recovery will be what you want it to be?”