Not Wanting To “Keep Up”

TUES., AUG. 21, 2001, 3:42 PM
FARM, STUDY

It is true, o son, that as you “stand back” and assess yourself in this now 76th year of your life, as Bob Russell, you realize you are “falling behind.” That is, life seems to be moving faster than is comfortable for you, AND, you are losing the desire and capacities to “keep up.” You accept My affirmations that such reactions and actions are quite appropriate for you in this time of your life. AND YET… you still have remnants of the discipline you had in much of your life, and hence, because of this, you feel some discomfort, some un-ease.

You accept that, with the few “chores” you still have you should be able to keep your grass cut, keeping at least a somewhat “neat look” to this fine Farm. Your spirit struggles with the contrast between “you have time… keep this Place looking beautiful” and “you’ve had (and enjoyed) a life of responsibilities… now just “do it” when and if you feel like it.” I don’t push strongly either way. Each has some merit for your place in life. But if you get too “lax” I’ll tell you.

You are aware that you’re not “keeping up” with your family finances, and you’re a bit surprised that you are not concerned enough to sit down and bring your check register and the bank statement into “agreement.” That IS something you have to accomplish this week.

You were a well-motivated… and self-motivated… professor during your active years. You can “understand” why these motivations are now abating, but you’re not quite comfortable with these losses. You have some feelings for “trying harder,” but these are now, more often, countered by, “I’m retired”… “What difference does it make?” As I’ve told you, it is time for you to give up most of these “drives” for accomplishment… BUT I still am not pleased with the “look” of this room… and neither are you. So, for this task I do urge you to “push yourself.”

You are having more frequent and persistent thoughts about your “pasture herd.” You realize that such animals have been “part of your life” for over 30 years, but that your having them for meat or “profit” has been dependent on Carl and his “equipment.” If he is no longer “in the business” what will you do? You’d better talk to him about this. You hate to see the pasture grass wasted, but you both are seeing the “near end” of this aspect of farm life.

You have seen yourself, as you review your life, as a good competitor. You almost conclude that you accomplished more than was expected of you, AND that you have been pleased with what you have achieved, some in competition. So it is “natural” for you to have feelings of the need to “keep up” and uncomfortable ones in regard to just feeling and saying, “Been there, done that!”

You have not been uncomfortable with your lack of computer interest and skills. You realize, of course, that computer “literacy” and competence is a definite need for the future, BUT this won’t be YOUR future. You had sufficient skills with the typewriter, while your parents never did develop these. And you have not pushed yourself to be as competent as your children… and grand children. This is just another “sign” of an unwillingness to “keep up.” Will it be so for yet another generation?

You still play some competitive “games” with yourself, but the positive feeling for even these is waning… AND SO you ponder whether you should try to “keep up” or whether it is now time to accept what you have seen as “defeats” and just do “what you feel like doing.”