Old Age, Yet Again

FRI., SEPT. 25, 1998, 5:50 AM
FARM, STUDY

Today is your Dad’s 95th birthday, and you hope to be able to talk with him sometime during this day. It is a “feat”, certainly, to reach this age, but you doubt that he has much joy in achieving it. You haven’t been in contact with him… and Joanne… for sometime, so you have a bit of apprehension… and some guilt… about what you’ll hear. Yet you know there would have been a call if there had been any threat to his life. So, in the busyness of this day… and considering the 5 hour time difference… don’t forget to call.

You had lunch yesterday with an old friend, Ann, and some of that conversation dwelt on old age and coming death… that transition to a spirit realm. You voiced your conviction that your earth life would not be much longer… and something to the effect that you are surprised when apparently good Christians want to continue in earth bodies that no longer function as they should. I certainly am.

But before I comment further on that affirmation I’ll accentuate the positive. Old age can be a time of much pleasure. You know this was so for your parents, until their 90’s. It was sad to see your Mother’s deterioration and now your Dad’s. But they had quite a few years of comfortable living during their 70’s and 80’s, both in Long Beach and in Honolulu. You have some desire for such a continuation, out of the swirls of activity, but, at this time, you’d opt for a shorter old age, “giving up” those earth years when you can’t do much and become dependent.

The numbness in your feet is bothersome, but there is no pain and the limp is only slightly evident. The loss of function in your hand is more bothersome, and you are sorry about the loss of guitar-playing, “rudimentary” as it was. Yet you have regained some strength, with auxiliary muscles having a chance to “shine” due to this loss, however it was caused. Thus, you can still do what you need to do around this Farm (though there is still a lot of cleanup I’d like to see). Be pleased with such.

You say you do not want to reach the state of helplessness that you see in your brother-in-law, Bob. He is 4 ½ years older than you are, and it has come on him rather rapidly, so that feeds your assertion that your life, in this body, need not be much longer. You are taking no real medications, and this is how it should continue, save for some infections, such as that one in your rump. Continue the supplements, the vitamins and those with the weird names, but, mainly, keep a balance in your life. Don’t let these various “responsibilities” pile up. Choose “not to be involved” more often, now, than accepting demanding tasks. Continue the physical exertions that are part of life on this place. You cleaned up the wood lot, but you might as well saw and split up the rest of those boards, before wet weather returns. Then its “on to the cutting” of downed trees and branches. Good exercise… but be cautious, even in this young old age.

You wonder how Maggie got through the night, and the kind of deterioration she shows is, for you, worse than the physical. You knew, early in life, that you were not to be a physician, dealing with “sick people” as a life work. You were right, of course, and now I see that there really aren’t enough people who should be medical personnel to care for those who live on, but only partially.