Somewhere In The Middle

THURS., MAY 24, 1990, 6:31 AM
FARM, STUDY

Yes, o son, this is where I see you… somewhere in the middle. Of what? Of a range of responses to decision-making situations. At one “end” are those who rely entirely on themselves, with no consideration given to My Will or My capacities. At the other are a few who rely entirely on Me, genuinely accepting that I shall guide them in every minute detail of life. (Actually I don’t, but I like the dedication.) You are somewhere in the middle.

I see you edging toward Me and My capacities, and you increasingly acknowledge, at least with some, that I have influenced you even before you were conscious of such “assists” in life. Of course I am fully aware of the background you have and of your response to education. You are independent, and it is not easy for you to truly work with a group, giving up your autonomy. You have been a good competitor, taking responsibility for your mistakes and shortcomings and credit for your successes. Though giving up your will to Me is not quite the same as giving it up to another person or persons you still naturally cling to your own judgments and actions. Your life would not have been as happy if you had been in a job where your tasks were dictated by others… or even if you were responsible for the work of others. For example, a career at Punahou as a Dean or even as the Principal would have brought some satisfactions over a long career, but, wisely, you decided, with My help that you were not yet acknowledging, to shift to the university level. All of the reasons you usually give are acceptable, but your underlying desire was to be more independent.

In your career most of what you have done you have done yourself, in your own way and ways. You would rather teach alone than as part of a team. You would rather write alone than jointly with others. It is not “natural” for you to be part of a functioning group. You feel the tensions when decisions and actions go counter to your judgment, even when some of these turn out to be desirable and effective.

So, what happens when I, the Holy Spirit begin to intrude upon this independence? Put positively, you have moved to somewhere in the middle, with increasing acceptance of this partnership with Me. You don’t voice this often, but I do see it developing. Your aging helps, for with age you are becoming less competitive and more accepting of things as they are or as they develop. I can use this giving up of autonomy and authority. I won’t take over your life. That isn’t My style. But I do push for more influence and for a closer working relationship.

There is still much I would have you do. I admit that even what I suggest is usually beyond your capacities, so that you don’t “have time” to accomplish both what I and you want. I do not force you to tasks of My choosing. I want you to want them, not doing them “grudgingly or of necessity.” I call on you to keep this place beautiful, to teach your classes in ways that show forth spirit, write letters and papers, give time to your family… and take time to enjoy life. Your days, even your long ones, are insufficient for all of this. I know this. Yet I still let you know what I want.