The Old… The “New”

FRI., SEPT. 22, 2000, 3:04 PM
OFFICE, PULLIAM

Today you were part of two “experiences” that related to your former status here as a professor. In the morning one you were a more active participant; this afternoon you chose to be only a listener and observer.

This morning you were with “the old folks” – former faculty and staff who are now Emeritus or retired. These still have interest in the University, though your own interest in money matters… which buildings deserve renovation… the call to be a political “pusher”… is minimal. You heard that in some ways “things are better,” but in other ways “not so good.” You feel pleased that you never had to deal with such matters… that you never sought “positions of prominence” that had such responsibilities. And you should be giving Me, Holy Spirit, some credit for this, for I did exert some “influence” toward your career, and you, finally, here, were doing exactly what I wanted you to be doing… developing and teaching courses that related in some ways to the spiritual dimension of humans… and of the environment.

This afternoon you “elected” (on the basis of Kathleen’s birthday) to stay on and experience your Department’s faculty meeting. You stepped back in time, and it was both interesting and boring. You accept that meetings such as this have to “happen” in a university that practices “collegiality,” but you remember that during your years as an active professor, you never were a rabidly active participant in comparable meetings. You attended regularly… and you do believe in representative democracy (even pure democracy, when possible)… but it was mostly just to know what the issues were and how diverse or united the feelings of your colleagues were.

As you recall your career you were able to make personal decisions about scheduling, and, gradually you were teaching what you wanted to teach and when. As you became a senior professor you were not challenged, and you did accept some times for teaching that were not fully ideal, but you adapted. And, therefore, you remember a very minimum of conflict about scheduling. Your feeling, this afternoon, about this Department now is pretty positive, but, also, you are pleased to be retired and not even tangentially involved in some of the “disputes.”

Thus… you can say that it seems good to be “old,” with a good career behind you. You have no desire to “start again”… or to be a “leader” in Departmental matters. This is a clear “reminder” that this professional life you have had and enjoyed is over… as your life as Bob Russell will be, in not too long a time. It isn’t “fun” to keep losing “capacities”… as you are, now… and life, in the spirit, free from this body (good as it has been), is something you are beginning to anticipate.

Oh, of course, the major loss would be the direct interactive relationship with Lenore, the life partner I selected for, and guided to, you. She has some losses, too, but not that seem as life-shortening as yours. Yet these “matters” are never completely predictable by you humans.

In the meeting this morning you were not among the “really old.” Yet you realize you were a rather “late retiree,” so, though you haven’t been retired long you are probably about “median” in age of those there. Yet it had the feeling of being a group of “oldsters.” And you didn’t have much interest in the matters presented.

In the meeting just concluded you were the oldest, and you had even less interest in some of the issues presented and discussed. You’re glad you were there, but don’t expect to repeat it often, if at all.

And so again I’ll confirm: My interest in “meetings” like these two is wholly in spirit displayed, exchanged, and increased. You have more “feeling” for the spirit in some of your colleagues, but it also was worthwhile to talk with Lew, Wendy’s Dad. You do have some feeling of kinship with him, for Wendy is certainly one of your favorite persons, quite like unto a daughter of your own.