What Was… What Is To Be

WED., OCT. 20, 1999, 9:01 AM
OFFICE, PULLIAM

You sit in this small, “compact” office, with the sun shining brightly and warmly through the small window. It is sufficient, certainly, for you now, even as you remember what “was” – the large office, with many windows… much space. That went to one who is still young and active, and you came to the space of one who truly retired. And you realize that in some near future time you will retire, and someone else’s name will mark this place.

Life is, finally, past, present, and future. Most of yours is now past. Most of Grandson John Isaac’s is in the future. And you’re all in the present, though there is much diversity in every moment of the present. You enjoyed the “present moment” of your Bible study group, around the breakfast table, as you finished the consideration of the Acts of the Apostles.

The final events were somewhat weird, with Paul prophesying about the future of their sailing ship, giving “orders” (almost) about not leaving the ship, healing sick folk on the island, surviving a viper bite with nary a sign of poison’s effects. Then the story ends, and it is far from exciting… just a couple more years of living. Are there theological or exegetical explanations for this? Or is that just “the way it was”? Don’t fret for an answer to such a query.

Your Wednesday group will next delve into Paul’s letter to the Romans, and you’ll have to try to determine how this matches up with Acts and this story about Paul, just completed (yet again). You testified, this morning, that this Letter was one means, years ago, toward your born-again experience, in an earlier Bible study group. Now it shall be “what is” anew, and you shall see how the study hits you this time. Go ahead and read some of it today… the marked passages.

What is? You are an Emeritus professor, with a few calls on your time and remaining talents. You shall come forth with a now-familiar presentation at the end of this week – Perspectives on Death, now with songs becoming only stories, as your left hand refuses to heal (though the loss of function seems to have “stopped”). Explain it and then go on with the “combination,” with a joyous spirit. How you do it (as one with The Big C) is as important as the words of the presentation. And… go ahead… tell them who you are… now.

You have no great urges to travel, as something “to be,” in the future. It is not vital that you travel… or stay here. What is important is that you keep your spirit attuned to Mine, that you write some (certainly some more Ruminations!), and that you are as aware as you can be of these events of your life… the “what is”… the present.

Reconsider some events of your past. You and your pre-destined life partner, Lenore, should recall together some of what has been, both joys and sorrows. The approach you tried with your Dad may work better with you “younger elderly”… “I remember… What do you recall about this?”

This recent “incident” with your brief case tells you, as do other events and experiences, that your memory is beginning to “short out” more often. You observe your Mother-in-law, Mabel, as being “confined” almost exclusively to the present, with very little sense of “what is to be.” It is a condition of almost complete dependence, yes, very much like a young child. It is a spiritual challenge, but you don’t observe much spiritual “activity” in her, so different from her adult life.

This can be a comfortable way to “live,” if you are well taken care of. Yet I say that your spirit of independence, developed and displayed over your teen and adult years, should not be put aside now. For I assure you, yet again, that your life in the spirit (“What is to be”), after you drop this body and brain, shall be more than a wonderful trade for life with increasing losses. In this sense cancer can be a blessing.